“Why I Want to Feel Liberated at 48…”

Being a naturopath and talking about holistic health with different people every day, you’d think I’d know exactly what to do for my health, right?

I had been managing my health well, especially after going through a life crisis in my 30s. To be honest, I thought I was done with crises…

When we’re not dealing with unpleasant symptoms daily, we might take our health for granted or even forget about the hurdles and challenges we’ve overcome in the past. Looking back, especially in my 20s and 30s, I faced a series of challenges: infertility, a broken marriage, divorce, high stress, anxiety, and depression. On top of that, I struggled with balancing my hormones using pills, which resulted in terrible adult acne. I felt even more depressed and sad. There were times when I didn’t want to go out, even though I was in a beautiful, fresh relationship with my current partner, who is very understanding and caring.

The worst period was in my 30s when I was pressuring myself to hold my marriage together, constantly on high alert, working irregular shifts that caused severe sleep problems. My routines were all over the place, and it only made my anxiety and stress worse. Looking back, I can see that I had all the ingredients for disaster, and I see the same patterns with many of my clients.

If you’ve read this far, you might be wondering, "What does all this have to do with liberation?" That's a fair question.

The thing is, I’ve started moving toward a more carefree mindset. For example, I used to put on makeup before every shift, even for the really early 5:30 a.m. starts, knowing almost no one would be in the office. Was the makeup really for me, or was it for others? Was I using it to cover my shattered confidence, hoping people wouldn’t notice how crushed I felt inside?

Nowadays, I focus on what brings me more comfort and ease in life. No more makeup—I’m embracing natural beauty. Yes, I’m enjoying getting older with less worry.

A couple of days ago, I went camping with my partner and puppy in the Tablelands. I wanted to rejuvenate my mental and emotional state, as I’d been feeling stuck and noticed subtle signs of anxiety creeping up—twitching eyes, short attention span, you name it. I packed some books: "Dark Emu" by Bruce Pascoe and "The Witch’s Herbal Apothecary" by Marysia Miernowska.

It was a beautiful, breezy afternoon when I picked up "The Witch’s Herbal Apothecary" and read about rebirth and regeneration during spring. It inspired me to prepare for summer with positive energy. Nature always uplifts me with kindness, love, and support. On that day, I felt my heart sing as I thought about performing some herbal rituals to cleanse my body and soul, focusing on where I want to grow with good 'fertilizer' (intention and planning) and where I need to 'weed out' in my life (old habits and restrictive thinking) to ensure positive growth.

The truth is, I’m still figuring out exactly what I want in life. One of my dreams is to travel around Australia in a caravan with my partner and Sachi, our puppy, for 2-3 months. I could still work from the van, do online consultations, and offer valuable content and courses to those who could benefit from my assistance and guidance.

I’d also love to visit Japan more often, and I’ve started to think about how to make that happen. One big dream is to run retreats with like-minded collaborators in a few years.

You see, after facing so many well-being challenges, I just want to pursue what makes me happy and feel alive in the moment. Lara Briden, the author of "Hormone Repair Manual," says, “Perimenopause is a crucial time for us to look after ourselves so that we can enjoy post-menopausal life even better.” This resonated with me deeply and led me to ask myself, “How do I want to live the rest of my life? What do I need to do each day to get closer to my ideal lifestyle?”

My ultimate goal is to live simply and enjoy the moment. Whether I’m traveling around Australia, camping, or going back to Japan to host retreats, I want to keep life as simple as possible so I have the capacity to cherish moments with my loved ones.

So, you see, this is why I want to feel liberated. I’ll continue to pursue this path, knowing that every moment is precious, and we can’t take it back once it’s gone…